Still remember it so well, and the memory pulls like a dream, images of pure feeling, as if it was that which lit them up. And it was pure feeling, beyond myself, which lit up the world before me.
It was 4th July 2005, and I had just landed in the USA a short time before, in Atlanta Georgia, for the first time. I was elated to be there, I felt freer than I had at any time in my life I think, and was heading west to meet my love face to face for the first time. We had been heading for this since the previous February when our friendship stepped, with perfect mutual timing, into a torrential flow of all out romantic union. And as soon as it happened, I knew I was just going to have to do whatever I needed to, to make my life with this man.
The whole intention I carried with me, for myself, was to leave my old life behind, and find my new life with my love. I had no idea how I was going to do it, and that was also part of this leap. But I knew my love was with me, 100% leap for leap. Our hands would grasp, life for life, future for future, dream for dream, even as they had been grasped constantly across 5000 miles. I knew I was taking a plane to my new life, and my old life had gone.
I understood, saw it in front of me like some blessed vision on the flight from Atlanta to Reno. I had a window seat and I looked out on that immense land below me as we travelled west. And as the sun got lower in the sky, towering clouds I’ll just never forget were lit up gold and cream against flawless blue, clouds that were landscapes in themselves. The vision was so free, and I knew I was true to this, and engulfed in a gratitude and joy that was just immense. Hope against hope, it was true, it had happened just as I had prayed, was happening, beyond me yet all about me, flying west.
We came into Reno in the dark, lights dancing and flashing on the ground, little Reno it looked from up there, little Reno in the dark, getting bigger and faster, and then we touched down. I made my way through that little airport feeling so light and welcome and free. And I got on the escalator down and there was Phil waiting, and I smiled, and he was just like I knew he would be. And we went to the car park and he kissed me in the car park, and we drove out in the warm night to Carson City, and the feel of his hand was so warm. And at our duplex on Corbett Street we made our first home in that unbelievable freedom. And I remember standing outside with Phil on that warm July night, looking up at stars that had never looked so good and so beautiful, breathing an air that had never been as dry and fragrant and subtly drenched with space and goodness. With the man who was to be my husband. “Yes” my whole new life said with every breath, and “yes” the good Nevadan night whispered back.