a dream of herds, freaks, and peace

At the Full Moon which is just subsiding, I had a dream. Early in the morning about 6am, after a night of disturbed sleep. Phil had sprinkled jasmine oil around the bed, and that may have had something to do with it being such a dream laden night in conjunction with the Moon’s fullness.

The dream was like a story being told within the dream, which became the dream itself. There were a lot of animals, most similar to horses and cattle, in an area that was part natural and part built, like a market square on uneven earthen ground, with some wooden posts and railings, and a lot of these animals. Then in came just a few of these mutant-like horses, golden brown with many legs, but lopsided, like most of the legs on one side. I think I only noticed one at first, but in any case the freaky horses were chased by the others and attacked by them.

Then it became apparent that there were two freak horses running side by side, and they were male and female, not coupled as yet but there they were running side by side from the other horses, thrown together by chance. This was an amazing occurrence, that these rare, despised horses had found each other, their compliment, their mate. They ran, and when they got to a clear space they mated.

At their mating before all the other horses, the animals surrounding them got down on their knees and lay down facing them, as if in respect and a kind of reverence. It felt like a religious scene, and was very moving, and I cried in the dream, and then I woke up.

Something about the end of the dream was almost reminiscent of a Christian nativity scene, except that the animals were peacefully “bowing” before a mating couple, rather than the “holy mother and child”.

This dream really spoke to me very personally. The freak animal attacked by the herd, for it’s difference of nature or form, I think that would strike a chord with a lot of people from the LGBT community. That these freak animals found their mates against all odds, again struck a real chord with me as a gay man. Not sex, not just finding “some place” in the world, but your true mate. There’s no doubt that our relative aloneness predicates a lot of both our early self experience and our treatment. In the dream, it was the sudden appearance of the mate that was the turning point of the dream, that changed the entire meaning of their freakdom. Even before it was apparent that they were actual mates, the meaning had changed, though the chasing and attacking didn’t stop till they’d found their own space, however temporary, and consummated their union.

I realized as well from this dream that at a level of my psyche “male” and “female” symbolised the animals’ “other halves”, and that this was actually beyond gender, for there was no doubt for me that the dream was about gayness (in my case) or queerness more broadly, yet the “male” and “female” symbols held. I felt that was personally informative for me in terms of questions about “Queercraft“, and at least contributes to the answering of some questions that are simply not amenable to merely rational or political enquiry.

The other animals’ reverence and peace in the face of the consummation of the freak animals’ natures and love was like a deep, perennial hope, that the spiritual recognition of love and nature would indeed annul the herd instinct to turn on “freaks” and persecute difference of nature and form.

“wild albino donkeys” By Dirk Hartung – used under creative commons 2.0 license



  1. Mo, What a wonderful dream! I agree with your inturpretation, also. I think it runs more personal for you and Phil, though. You both understand your “differentness” in society and you both have run with the pack and found it was not for you…not good for your spiritual or emotional growth, then you meet – thrown together by life and find a perfect love, become one with each other and a new life is conceived – the one you both now live together. You are both incredible men, as individuals and much more powerful as a couple.

    Thank you for sharing such a fulfilling moment for all of as, as we see ourselves becoming one with the two ofyou, I bow before your strength and love. ox Gary

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