I have been a few little places in my life spiritually, and tried to go a few places more. Thelema, Buddhist meditation, Islam, Sufism, Meher Baba, Gurdjieff, Heathenry, Witchcraft, and plain old hippie freakdom. I aimed, once upon a different life.
There are many views you see and hear from people, what’s what, what’s right, what’s lofty, or real, or deep, or credible. We all swallow and accept some of that stuff, even if we really try to be nice about it. But when the tide hits, it really doesn’t matter.
We do have to walk to the shore, but the wave is indiscriminate, immense, and fills up every groove and hollow just the same way, exactly the same stuff (which it had done already, all along, anyway).
It does not matter whatsoever if you are high or low, near the centre or near the periphery. All that matters is the continuity with the glorious, intelligent whole. Why would you hold back what you really are from that? Why would you hold back what you really are, from what you really are?
This diversity, in every direction and dimension, is meant to be. And you, whoever you are, are so perfect in all your fallibility.
Just perfect. So don’t grieve your self. Even if you think you want the ocean real bad. The ocean has a way bigger want for you.