We have Sun! We have blue skies! The back door is open, incense is burning and it’s starting to feel like very early Summer. In two days it will be the anniversary of the reception of The Book of the Law by Aleister Crowley (111 years ago). I feel almost like I’m back in my twenties.
The little group I set up on facebook for the overlap of Satanism and Paganism is indeed very small right now, but it has already been fun and interesting. I’ve been revisiting Demonolatry with tentative, mixed but palpable results, and everything is largely up in the air, which is pretty much where it should be when you are enquiring.
The living, devotional, spontaneous, expressive, jubilant core of things is the same though – just no certain context to tie it into anything other than life.
I am reminded of when I was very young (when all this started), and I learned to get out of one hole after another, by falling in them. I’ve developed skills and experience since then, and familiarity with my own inner terrain, and some of the inner terrain that might be termed not mine, except that I know we are way, way, way bigger than we generally imagine and experience.
Nothing fundamentally changes about you, you just have to find why it is good, and indeed brilliant. I’m the same child that thought I was being possessed by a ghost, and needed my mother’s help to get me to banish it. I’m the same teenager devoted to Pan, and communicating with my Lord, in private, and taking night flights in my imagination. I’m the same twenty something, in love with Austin Osman Spare’s vision, painting and making magick in an East London suburb. I’m the 31 year old recovering from a breakdown, only to have everything illumined by the Oneness of Being. I would be mad if I weren’t myself.
You don’t fundamentally change. You hold the same cards, but you learn better what they mean. And while you might be a god (and you are), you can only be your own uniquely different god. What that means is something that only you can choose and decide. The world will obviously never be full of Nietzschean supermen, Van Goghs or Cleopatras, or variations on them. An old Thelemite friend of mine once said “you know people don’t understand, that just because you’re a sweet, caring person, that doesn’t mean you don’t seek power”, and she meant both that there was nothing wrong with being sweet and caring, and that everyone does still seek power, whether they look like it or not. I also remember Gerald Suster once pointing out that it could be someone’s True Will to be similarly “sweet” and inconspicuous. The fact is you are still going to have be able to look after yourself, one way or another, but there can’t be any kind of “cookie cutter” Thelemite or Satanist for instance. That should be obvious, but it is worth restating.
Myself, I’ve always been a slacker, believed in the virtues of enjoyment and pleasure, and that love is the central meaning of life for me.
Don’t waste inordinate amounts of time trying to change yourself or the world. Know yourself. From that you will know what life you want. You can only grow into what you most deeply are.
Do that, and you will change the world plenty, where it counts.
But make sure you enjoy it.
Love, and do what you will.