As you probably know by now, my husband Phil Batchelor died last month. I think I prefer “died” to terms like “passed away”, as he certainly did die physically, but he has not passed away. He and his presence, intelligence, heart and vitality is very much in my life, and I don’t doubt in the life of others too.
I have had a lot of practical things to sort out, and there is a great deal to still process and understand inwardly. Sometimes it feels like floating above an ocean of deep water. Most days I don’t lose my nerve though. Everything my husband taught me is fresh, as if it remembered itself. It has the quality of my own soul’s voice. Phil has just become greater, and even more unusual! My great husband.
I know Phil would have wanted me to continue with everything, my work, our work. We were getting ready to embark on the next stage of our journey before Phil left the body, like we always did when faced with a crisis; we just didn’t know it would be this big or extraordinary! Earlier in the Summer we did our first full Satanic ritual together and it was really good. I had been progressing with my occult researches. We were building, and our last birthdays together in August (a day apart) were very happy. We were thinking of renewing our vows.
Inevitably (and appropriately) I am not the same person as I was. But I am not less, for I feel closer and more at one with Phil than ever.
I will be writing, and doing other creative work, when the time is right.
Love is the Law, Love under Will.