a dream for midsummer

Scene from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Titania and Bottom - Edwin Henry Landseer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Evolving a path is I think a fascinating and rewarding thing. Construction (or reconstruction) is so mundane, compared to the emergence of something from the pages of books, snatches of poetry, film, dreams, deep desires, and the fount of the subconscious.

We have been trialing our own “black mass” – not the iconoclasm and parody of either Christianity or fashionable beliefs that often characterise a modern black mass, but a more direct communion with Satan, the god of the witches, and the buried treasures of blackened and forgotten deities and demons. It is a lovely experience.

Aside from Walpurgis Night and Halloween, we haven’t paid too much attention to festivals (apart from our birthdays, and enjoying the seasons naturally), but I had a thought. The place of the midwinter solstice is well established for both Christians and neopagans (and to our ancestors according to solar alignments at New Grange and Stone Henge), and has entered our consciousness as the time of the “rebirth” of the Sun, the turning point of darkness to the return of light, the mythical birth of Christ etc. What then of midsummer? It also occurs in alignments of ancient monuments, but the emphasis commonly seems to have been upon winter solstice, although in our modern, hedonistic age Summer Solstice has taken over at Stone Henge as an attractive festival.

If midwinter is the birth of light, midsummer is the yearly genesis of darkness. The very force that matures the year, bringing both fruitfulness and decay, the high heat of late Summer, the glorious and fragrant shedding of Autumn, and on to the barren clarity of Winter, and the rebirth of light. It is a trippy time, silly season, a touch of the fool, milky nights gone almost as soon as they have fully fallen, upon us before we know it, stretching out like a road trip, a vanishing point.

“Birth” would be the wrong term to apply to the dark, for the dark is more mystical than that. Like a walk backwards through time, through Nature, the shuddering calm after orgasm, the lock clicking shut, the expiration of release, the bestial, verdant fuck of the world.

Midsummer, at twilight and midnight, the promise of the Prince of Darkness, the Devil himself, a breeze cool and scented across fields, through woods, and open windows.




I’ve had a year of transformation and crisis, turmoil and growth, which has been both traumatic and magical, appalling and unmissable. This isn’t one of those things where you can say “there, it’s over” (that isn’t how deep processes work), but I am coming through and feeling the joy of life return, and a much deeper sense of self-worth and original selfhood. I really have to thank my amazing husband for being with me through all this. He is an amazing man. Moreover I’m coming through as a Satanist, which I would consider a test of the fitness of my path.

We did a ritual at the weekend, with the first altar we have really set up as a Satanic altar, complete with a sigil of Baphomet wall hanging which I had painted.


The altar was oriented to the western wall of the living room. Black cloth, black candles in brass holders, silver (plated) chalice with wine, votive statue of the Set animal, athame standing in for a sword, and ritual “phallus” (in fact a dildo!). A picture of a naked man offering himself (blurred in the picture below) was added to affirm the earthy and carnal nature of the Satanic altar. A naked woman is the traditional Satanic altar, but for gay men that doesn’t really connect erotically, so a naked man offering himself was more appropriate for us.

It was a very simple ritual, but significant.

One of the things that has come out of the last year is my personal identification on an inner level with the Thelemic goddess Babalon (an identification of primal nature and sacred function). In fact Thelema continues to come out as having a personal compatibility and elucidating applicability for my own path. Babalon and The Beast are good by me.

So on we go, for life, liberty and selfhood.

6 a

Satanism, Paganism and Nature

Two years ago I left Paganism, and by May 1st of that year I had declared myself a Satanist.

It was good to make the break with Paganism, and I have no regrets about that, or becoming a Satanist. After two years of rest from the online tangle of neopaganism, and all the community roleplaying, I feel like I can look at things a little more neutrally though, and recognise a great deal of common ground between Satanism and Paganism. Having remained a polytheist with a deep interest in the occult has probably helped there admittedly.

When people used to ask me about modern Paganism, I used to point to two things which didn’t define it, but which one way or another described modern Paganism as far as I could see. I used to say that modern Paganism tended to be polytheistic and/or Nature centred as a spirituality. You could find Pagan paths that were one, the other or both, but really rather few that were neither.

There is of course a major part of modern Satanism which is atheistic, but there are whole sections of neopganism which are at the least non-theistic in essence. Then again, there are other parts of Satanism which are polytheistic or henotheistic. I maintain that the most natural default for Satanism is agnostic, as this leaves all options open for the individual to determine themselves. Personal experience is the royal road of Satanism, and actually this seems to be what a lot of neopagans are looking for in Paganism too.

The reverence for Nature, while not universal within Paganism, is quite prominent. Within Satanism Nature is pretty much the bottom line, and is one of the things reflected in the acceptance of carnality and fulfilment of the whole person. Satanists in general have a love of Nature, and of our own deepest nature. On the other hand, Satanists recognise our capacity to negate and seemingly go against Nature, as part of our creative, individuating essence. But this level of sophistication is part of Nature itself, when seen in a wider perspective.

So I see a good deal of commonality between the phenomena of modern Satanism and Paganism, and what people are looking for in both. That is something I celebrate and enjoy.

Here is a clip of the front man of the black metal band Inquisition taking about Satanism, which my friend Aleph turned me on to. I really liked it.

I liked the way he talks about love, showing that it is important for him, but not making a defining badge out of the concept. I put love very central in my own spirituality, but I leave it to others to discover their own terms and understandings. I like the way he brings everything down to the individual, without prior conditions in essence, to the open minded enquiry into Nature. I can see that we are experiencing some of the same thing here.

What I can also say now, after two years, and a reconciliation with Paganism, is that I feel an increasing sense of the “personage” of Satan, alongside the concept or symbol, particularly transitional, subtle, metaphorical, open, free, fearless, clear. As with everything for me, it is the direct experience that counts, rather than the formal sense or definition, for this is where we find the reality of things. This is good.

Meanwhile I feel a renewed sense of connection with deities and Nature.

Bon voyage, and Hail Satan.


The witches Sabbath by Luis Ricardo Falero [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

16th February 2017: 9th paragraph edited.

Satanic causes?

Lady Chatterley's Lover Penguin by Twospoonfuls (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

We see a certain amount of activism in the Satanic community (most publicly with The Satanic Temple), so I just thought I’d give my own view on the sort of things I’d find relevant to Satanic philosophy for myself.

First, let me say there is no obligation to support any cause as a Satanist, and no expectation – Satanism is just too individualistic for that. However, here are a few things I can see as compatible with Satanism.

Satanism is very concerned with the individual and with individual sovereignty, so anything that adds to individual freedom and responsibility would go well. Censorship would be anathema to most Satanists where it affects them. Similarly, attempts to infringe upon the bodily autonomy of the individual could easily be opposed from a Satanic point of view. Free speech would be a natural thing for a lot of Satanists to support.

Satanism holds carnality and carnal fulfilment high in its estimation, so the moralistic restriction of sexual and other physical forms of gratification would generally be opposed, as would prying into the private lives of others. The exceptions would be where the will and consent of an individual is directly violated by another, so consensuality comes into play, as this reflects the issue of individual sovereignty. Needless to say, children cannot give adult consent so are not in the equation here.

Satanism holds a particular appreciation of the qualities of children and animals, who to an extent have the properties of natural Satanists (being closer to Nature and instinct), though they can’t themselves be Satanists, as Satanism requires human maturity. So the prevention of abuse of animals and children would be a natural concern for many Satanists.

Nature is also held in high regard by Satanists, who see us as animals most essentially, and part of Nature, so preventing the destruction of natural environments could be a cause that appeals to a Satanist.

As Satanism is a natural opponent of the imposition of religion upon individuals, secularism and religious freedom would be supported by many Satanists, though it needs to be pointed out that “religious freedom” means the freedom to practice any religion you choose, so long as you do not infringe upon the rights of others. It doesn’t mean freedom to infringe upon the rights of others in the name of religious belief. Related to this would be resistance to things like blasphemy laws, and prosecution for obscenity or nakedness.

As Satanism is so concerned with individuality and individual freedom, it makes a natural opponent to collectivising philosophies that seek to define and impose laws upon people according to what they are, rather than who they are, as an agent exhibiting their own behaviours.

And not least, Satanists are natural opponents of the hysterical demonization of people, whether it is the “Satanic Ritual Abuse” craze, or other kinds of scapegoating witch hunts. Satanists might well work to counter these kind of destructive and deranged mob mentalities.

But in everything, a Satanist makes their own ethical and rational enquiries into what they may or may not support or oppose, and takes responsibility for their choices. What should be noted though, is that making others feel like they should take part in supporting any kind of cause through moralism, shame or guilt can well be seen as a unskillful act that elevates emotional manipulation over reason or insight. Similarly, jumping on political or social band wagons can be fraught with the problems of participating in herd mentalities of dubious quality.

Mindful and Satanic

It’s been a good few days, quite a few, of stability and contentment, which is a lovely thing.

Over the last year I’ve drawn a lot on my polytheism, and links with my Heathen deities especially. I’ve needed them, they’ve been there. Others have been there too, such as my Egyptian “daemonic father”. “Gratitude” is too prosaic a word to describe what you feel for the presence of deities within your life, too commonplace a word for the bond, but the feeling is deep and free.

I’ve come to really value mindfulness, a mental practice and state that I first came upon decades ago in connection with Theravada Buddhism, though it also forms part of Reiki practice and training, and pretty much all Asian derived meditation techniques. The capacity to maintain mental balance, and not be overwhelmed by powerful emotions, thoughts and energies is a good skill for anyone, but it is essential for a magician or someone going through powerful experiences of personal growth, as powerful emotions and energies can be guaranteed in these situations at some point, and you have to be able to maintain your composure as you choose, in order to be able to function properly.

I am not a Buddhist, and do not subscribe to the wider Buddhist philosophy, but the traditional image of the Buddha is a good symbol of mindfulness for me, and I do use it.

In addition to this, the figure of Satan emerges as a fine focus of self-actualisation, pulling together my independent worth and stance, which is very good for someone as inclined to relationship and surrender as I am. No regrets there, not at all, as love is so important to me. But Satan for me matches both the irreducible clarity of selfhood, and clarity of mind that can cope with all of our nature.

Surrender blissfully as you wish, you will not lose that jewel-like self.


Satanic altruism

I’ve never been one for conforming to type. As a Pagan I didn’t really fit the whole “green grow the merry o” rural image. As an effective homosexual I cannot embrace the term “gay”, or the whole mainstream sexual identity demarcation project (just put me down as human please). As a Satanist, aside from my tattoos and the odd pentagram, I don’t fit the common image of a Satanist. I’d put love and decency very high on my list of valued things, contrary to the idea of Satanism as somewhat social Darwinist and overwhelmingly self-centred. But for me this is entirely natural, as Satanism is about determining your own values and ethics (without imposing them on others judgmentally), rather than having them determined by Satanism or anything else.

The “burn it all down” aspect of Satanism is important as a tool to free you from false moral restriction, but it is no replacement for determining your authentic values. This is why Satanism is inherently individualistic: in practice it doesn’t come ready made. You have to do your own work.

While I have reservations about some of The Satanic Temple’s identity politics style activism, I appreciate their pointing out the place of things like empathy and compassion in human life, as things with a purpose beyond moral superstition. This is how life actually is. It shouldn’t be dogma. It should be intelligent and reflective. But empathy and compassion are powerful components of human life. Love that entails enduring suffering or personal sacrifice for a loved one is deeply meaningful to people when it is genuine (rather than  manipulated or expected). Similarly, something like faith has a bad rap due to the associations with behaviour manipulation and repression in various Churches. But faith is an inescapable, and at times crucial part of human relationship. When we have to go beyond what we have previously experienced, sometimes against what we have previously experienced, on the basis of intuition, love and positive intention, then we need faith, even if we don’t call it that. Needless to say, a person should be open to learning, attentive and responsive, but these things are givens in life, and are compatible with faith. It is not a life style, it is a deeply important human capacity.

Similarly again, when we talk about the well-being of society. If it is where we live, and it affects us, there are sound Satanic reasons for wanting to encourage the kind of society you want to live in. Be discriminating. Don’t waste your time, attention, work or money. Don’t give up your independence beyond what is reasonable for you. But it is entirely reasonable to care about something you can influence positively in some small way, without illusions or grand missions. Be honest and practical with yourself.

And lastly, while Satanism focuses on the carnal, and that is a very fine thing, we are animals with complex needs that extend into many areas of our experience and relationship. Areas that people term “spiritual” are part of our life too. And I am with the Buddhists on the subject of attachment having its own complications. I don’t view attachment as bad, but as needing a wise approach if it becomes intense or overly fixed. We want pleasure after all, and to alleviate unnecessary suffering in our lives. Wisdom comes from experience and learning. We all try to live according to the wisdom that we gather.

When something is Satanic, we often in practice mean that it is individual, free and authentic. That is my kind of altruism.

Gay Couple from back hand holding on CSD 2006 Berlin – Make Love Not War by Till Krech (extranoise on flickr.com) (www.flickr.com) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

one year today

A year ago today I became a Satanist. It was on Walpurgis Night, during our ritual that I “put out the call” so to speak and affirmed my interest to “the other world” (which you can take poetically if you like), and by the morning the call was answered with certainty. So you could say I became a Satanist overnight, Walpurgis Night into May 1st. Yesterday was also the 50th anniversary of the founding of The Church of Satan by Anton LaVey, in San Francisco in 1966.

Something in our life has changed in tone, and changed very helpfully, though you’d have to know us to realise it. Phil has always been ahead of me on this, but I have become formally unconcerned with what other people in general think of me. I used to like to think that was so before, but it was always “within reason”. Now it’s a principle. It’s not my place in life to be concerned with others’ opinions of me, beyond what directly impacts me and my loved ones’ well being.

It’s also clearer than before that sorting out the world’s problems is not my moral obligation. I have an interest, naturally, to a point proportionate with my power and influence (guess how big that is 😄) and the problem’s consequences. But political emotionalism has about as much effect on me as “feminine tears”. Here’s the kleenex darling. The whole “we’re all responsible, and we’re all to blame, what are we  going to do about it?!!” ends up sounding like Maude Flanders to me. Show me practical solutions that aren’t based on something as ephemeral and disingenuous as “people power”, and things that just make you feel better. You know very well that “people” are a nightmare, which is why populist moralisers are always authoritarians at heart. People just won’t do, or care about, what they are told to. A great deal of our advances and solutions come from science as far as I can see, so I’m more inclined to put my expectations there.

Another thing that has happened over the last year is that my curiosity about aspects of the mundane world has revived, for the first time really since the 1980s. Intellectual curiosity. I think that is a sign of healing and strength, but the joy of making sense of the world is returning.

Sexually we have become more open and engaged as a couple, and we would both consider ourselves polyamorous, ie open to relationships of different sorts coming into our marriage, providing they are affectionate, honest and consensual, and have genuine regard for each others’ well being*. It’s something we have been moving towards for a while.

I think the most memorable things about the last year have been the times when we have managed to support or help a loved friend in some way, to help them grow. That might not be most people’s idea of a “Satanic” activity, but the joy and energy of seeing a friend come into their own, as the person they really are, is deeply fulfilling.

Being Satanists, and being committed to our own authentic selfhoods, has encouraged that.

Hail Satan, and the good life.


Birthday candle by Ardfern (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

* “each other” meaning everyone directly involved.