a step in identity

As I have indicated before, I have increasingly little time for the constraints of modern labels on human sexuality.

The label of “gay” has never sat easily with me, and judging from the reactions of a good few gay men I’ve come into contact with, the gay mainstream would share that opinion of me. Which isn’t that surprising now, as I’ve come to the conclusion that “gay” really is an artificial and forced construct (as opposed to any form of sexual or emotional desire, including the homosexual and homoerotic). Or maybe it just isn’t me, and it was a case of mistaken identity.

I believe in a sexual humanism, in human beings relating as humans, with varying needs for relationship, emotion and sexual fulfilment with men and/or women. It’s individual and it’s human. That’s how I see things, though we tend to be prevented from that purity of honest relationship by social pressure to be purely heterosexual, and the condemnation of homosexuality, as well as the coercion to be strictly monogamous. On the other hand we are equally distorted by the forced reaction and rebellion against those things.

I always identified as “gay” as that was the best available description, especially when seeking to find a way in the world as it is. But at this point I have divested myself of the term, except for the purposes of brief, pragmatic communication. My desires, sexual and emotional, for deep relationship are overwhelmingly for other men, or rather for certain kinds of men, and certain individual men (at this stage it is individual men). It’s an energy thing, a thing of the psyche, but also a thing of the body. But if I am to be “put in a box” and categorised, I feel the best term to attach to myself would be bisexual, not because I have felt the need to have sex or an intimate relationship with a woman (and I am now 58 years old), but because it would be disingenuous to pretend that I was absolutely 100% purely and only homosexual in possible desire or sexual behaviour, given the right person and circumstances. That is just silly in my view, bordering on phobic. Men really are my thing, without a doubt, but thisĀ great divide, with all the assertions and assumptions attached to either “side”, is I think false.

So better call me bisexual, if you must. If anyone wants to know more, well they better ask. But better still, just call me human.

mercuriuskopergravure

Mercurius KoperGravure by Matham Jacob (naar tekening Goltzius) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

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